making memories

She sat in her rocking chair, her eyes full of light and joy. They smiled at you without her lips even making the slightest of a move. She rocked back and forth, slowly and steadily. “I remember it all,” she said as she folded her wrinkly hands around her mug of tea. “I remember everything, every little detail, every moment that has passed. It’s funny because whenever I look at someone, they glare at me empathetically and I bet you, I bet you that they’re thinking ‘look at this poor, old helpless woman'” she laughed as she grasped her mug even tighter, enjoying the feel of the warmth against her dry palms. “Ah, I may be an old, helpless woman, but I am one full of vivid, joyous, and loud memories. I too, was once a toddler. I too, snuck out of high school and drank alcohol when it was forbidden. I too, made and lost friends. I too, drank coffee every morning. And I too, fell in love. He was drop dead gorgeous. His smile made my heart feel as though it was its own person with its own brain,” she paused, her lips curving upwards into a smile, complimenting her eyes even further. “He fell in love with me too, I never knew the day would come. We got married shortly after and he told me that he knew I’d be his wife the day he laid his eyes on me,” she gushed and planted her feet firmly on the floor so the chair would stop rocking. “We did everything together. I remember our first Halloween, it was a disaster. We got lost whilst trick or treating. And I remember making him a cake once for his birthday with peanut butter, only to realize that he was allergic, God, his entire face was puffed up,” she laughed. “We traveled to Istanbul, Paris, India, Hawaii, and so much more. We had our first child,” her eyes suddenly lost their optimistic glare as they became sad and glossy, she set her cup of tea down. ” I also remember him being diagnosed with prostate cancer, it was the worst day of my life, but I promised myself that I’d be strong for him and I was convinced that he’d survive. He got weaker and weaker with each passing day. He lost all of his hair, his bouncy brown curls that I loved so much. He became bone thin, but I still loved him and I still had hopes of him surviving. Finally, after a year and a half of treatment, the doctors said that he was cancer free. We celebrated, a big celebration, with all of our family and friends! I was so happy; I wanted to invite everyone and anyone. About a year passed by, when my husband was diagnosed once more with recurrence cancer, the monster had returned..only taking him away from me this time. I cried and cried until I was cried out. I didn’t eat nor sleep, I felt as though I had died along with him, as though my soul had been snatched away, leaving my corpse behind. I didn’t want to live. I became depressed, severely, until one day, I decided to change. He had visited me in my dream, telling me not to mourn over him, and that he was still with me,” she paused and wiped a tear off of her cheek. “He told me to be happy. And so I decided that I would and that I am the only person responsible for my happiness, it was a choice. I slowly rebuilt myself and experienced life day by day. I witnessed my children fall in love and have my grandkids. I engaged in tons of volunteer work and helped create a non profit organization for cancer patients. I went to school and earned my masters in psychology. I lived every single day until all of my hairs became white and until my body was drained of energy. Life passes by in the blink of an eye, the good and the bad, before you even know it and the next day, you become ‘the old helpless woman’ that everyone feels sorry for. It makes me laugh because people are so naive and think that they’re invincible just because of their youth. It makes me laugh because I was once the very same way. And most importantly, it makes me laugh because they’re right. Life is wonderful, mysterious, and very short. I have become an ‘old, helpless woman’ and I am oh so grateful to have made it this far. I am grateful and proud to say that I have lived my life to the fullest and that I am not scared to leave this earth behind to the next generation whom I hope lives it to the fullest as well. This life is truly a blessing to everyone and I genuinely hope that everyone gets to experience becoming old because that’s when everything really stands out to you, all of the moments and memories that you’ve created, you remember it all. It’s crazy. And you cherish them like never before. If I was asked if I could change anything in my life and what would it be, I’d say nothing…and I hope that one day, you feel the same way while looking back at the life in which you created.

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